I am realizing that it's not WORK I want to leave. I miss the personal interactions, the structure, and definitely the paycheck! What I want to flee is the feeling of constant judgment, expectations, and routine. I love projects to complete. Give me a short-term assignment and I'm on it, loving the challenge, digging into getting 'er done. Give me a year of almost unremitting sameness and I'm ready to slit my throat. I tend to go 100 mph and then hit and wall and need to stop. Working at the school has been helpful since there are so many mini-breaks built in. But the school job has evolved--changing from one where guiding and helping the kids are the important things to where test scores drive just about everything. And my job is emotionally exhausting at times--I deal too much in the pain, trauma, and drama of life rather than something upbeat.
Today I wondered about the artist in me. When I do my photography or writing or music making or dancing, or gardening, I feel JOY. And THAT is what I want more of. I want a job that I can make decent money but have flexibility and creativity. I don't want to sit in a rocking chair and watch life go by. I don't want to be alone most of the time. I want to contribute to the world and to my own growth. Is the answer becoming a life coach? Taking the plunge and doing photography full time? Leading retreats for women? Or maybe just going to part time at the school and making a hobby more of a focus?
I have many ideas for what the next twenty years could look like. This time off is helping me to explore and clarify my decision.
Ok, now I am ticked off. i just wrote a response and it didnt' save it.
ReplyDeleteI hear you sister. I love short tasks that have a finite end. I get great joy out of learning and contributing to meaningful ventures---but they must have an endpoint. I get bored easy...the key to my job being enjoyable is NEWNESS...and I am very good as a get-r-dun girl. I hate doing the same thing over and over...that is why I find many hobbies boring...they take too long to master or I get bored with them. Maybe that is why I like cooking/baking...immediate gratification..or not.
Is it how we were raised? CHANGE WAS OUR NORM? Just saying....