What's it Worth

Being without a paycheck makes this leave of absence seem different from my usual summers off. It forces me to look at the financial implications of....everything. When you retire, the paychecks end too! A friend of mine who recently retired found that healthcare costs were higher than she anticipated, which in turn led her to going back to work part time. So much for retirement...

While it is true that having more money alleviates financial stress and strain, shouldn't the overall goal in life be doing something that really floats your boat and uses your talents and gifts to the fullest degree? What I find is interesting is how now that I make "real" money (as opposed to minimum wage), my ego has convinced me that I am somehow "worth" more as well. And that if I don't have a job that pays a "worthy" amount, then I shouldn't consider doing it. But how many people become enslaved to a job simply because it pays well or offers benefits in retirement? I guess each person has different needs for security, however they define it. Some can live hand to mouth and be fine--either that's how they've always lived or they trust that God will provide. Others are in horror of such a lifestyle. Some feel a lack at not being able to buy the latest and greatest "thing". Others have simple needs and can get by with bare necessities.

I think I fall somewhere in the middle. I can live on a minimum amount (as my AmeriCorps days proved) but I also enjoy not having to worry about money (especially when it comes to unexpected expenses like repairs or medical stuff).  However, my free time and happiness level also matter greatly to me--I work to live, not live to work. My ideal job would be 30 hours a week, working with people I really enjoy (read have fun and laugh with), making a worthy minimum of $40,000 a year. Photography, travel, and/or writing a plus. Anyone hiring?

Brain Fog

When do I feel most ready to retire? When I can barely remember my own name! I don't know if it's chemical, hormonal, or just being tired, but there are days when I am so fuzzy-headed that I question my ability to do more than take up oxygen. Am I buying into our society's claim that you become less mentally sharp as you age or is it a reality?

At work I find it harder to remember all of the information coming at me from all sides. Luckily, Providence seems to provide reminders unexpectedly (a kid walks by and I suddenly think "Ah--I was supposed to talk to a teacher about him") or I suddenly remember something as I'm driving in to work (yes, I have a phone call I need to make) or I take enough notes to remind myself of what I need to absolutely not forget, but it can feel troubling. Is it an illusion that once I couldn't FORGET anything and my brain was like lightning? Probably... but I miss those days!

A friend of mine recently gave me a subscription to Lumosity, a website that challenges you with brain games focused on speed, attention, memory, problem solving, etc. It's fun! Unfortunately, when they give these tests, they don't take into account that some people know the numerical keypad without looking, and some of us have a temperamental mouse and aren't able to select things quickly, and some people just plain freeze up when put under testing pressure, but overall, you get a sense of how much you are struggling or not mentally compared to others in your age group.

Wouldn't it be interesting if tests like those were given yearly to everyone to determine your fitness to continue to work? In some ways it reminds me of the standardized tests we give kids--there are so many factors they don't measure and overall, they make kids feel anxious and make them question their abilities/intellect. I digress! But there are people who SHOULD retire and there are people who shouldn't be compelled to retire simply based on cognitive ability. Let's just hope they don't give us The Test on one of our foggy days!

Why Work?

I was cleaning out my computer files and came across something I wrote three years ago. It seems even more relevant now:

Why do we work at all? Is the only reason we need to work/hold a job is because it provides "coin" in the societal bartering system? If you were truly self-sufficient, you wouldn't require a job--keeping yourself fed and clothed would become your job! Or, if your needs became quite simple and basic, you could have a part-time job and still get by as long as you were willing to adjust your lifestyle and expectations accordingly. So the question becomes: HOW MUCH DO YOU NEED AND WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO DO/TRADE/LOSE TO GET IT?

We as an American society often decide that we need fancy cars or exotic vacations or bigger houses and then spend the rest of our lives paying for those “necessities”. Other cultures place more value on relationships and spending time with people in social settings. Their workday may be shorter, their vacations longer, and their “pressing needs” are more around what to bring to the community dinner.

Another aspect of work is the emphasis our society places on retirement. People work non-stop 30-40 years (often compromising their health from the stress in the process) to be able to spend the last 5-30 years of their lives not working. They worry whether they will have the health insurance coverage they need in their old age if they get sick. Countless workers scrimp and save to get to retirement only to die a few years later. The money that was to be their security in old age is now given over to taxes and heirs. This mentality is also different in other countries, where multiple generations live with or near each other and caring for the elderly is either an expectation or people just continue working until they die.

Few people can stand to do nothing day after day. I believe it is part of man’s inherent nature to be productive and want to contribute to the world. We work to give back to society. It is by “doing our part” that we justify our place on this planet. Many jobs allow people to do this but the problem is that while the work may be valuable to the community as a whole, it often does not feed the soul of the person due to its repetitive nature or the way society values it or how isolating it is or the fact that it doesn’t truly utilize the skills and gifts of the person doing the job.

A 2009 Conference Board survey of 5000 households showed that only 45% of Americans are satisfied with their jobs, with how much money they make cited as the main reason for dissatisfaction. Does this mean our out-of-control wants are possibly contributing to our general unhappiness? Obviously people who are working full time and are still at or below poverty level are going to find daily life enormously stressful. But to be happy with what you have and to not need all the consumer frills surely plays a part in overall life satisfaction too.

 

Interestingly, having a job that is personally fulfilling is a fairly new concept in our society, since it used to be you did whatever work you could to feed your family, often manual labor. But my question is, why shouldn’t something that takes up so much of your life on Earth be something that not only enriches the world but makes you excited to get up in the morning? I do believe we are put on the planet to express our talents and strengths in a way that enhances our lives and the people around us.

Another factor in job happiness is the people with whom you work. A good set of colleagues can make or break a workplace. So, what defines a good colleague? Positive attitude is wonderful but being competent and pulling your weight are also very important. No one likes to work with someone who does the bare minimum or takes advantage of the system. No one likes to work with a gossip or someone who spends all their time socializing instead of working either. And who likes to work with someone who is always complaining about health and personal problems? All of these contribute to overall job dissatisfaction. Being at a friendly job fulfills a social need. It could be lonely, boring, and isolating to be at home all the time. Perhaps a career is where the Serenity Prayer originated: accept the things you cannot change, change the things you can, and have the wisdom to know the difference…

 Another point to consider is whether the problem is actually with the job or with an attitude or fear or problem within you that you will simply carry to the next place of employment. Wherever you go, there you are! Look at your work history and there is a common thread in your discontentment—you. How do you change that?

So the question is: how do we find work that is something we like, that pays well, with people who aren’t going to drive us crazy? Is that an impossible dream? Is opening your own business the only answer? Do you give in to the fear-mongering that says you will die destitute and alone if you aren’t successful in your career and save $10,000 a year in your IRA? Do you let the positives of a situation outweigh the negatives simply because you’d rather take the known rather than the unknown? How do you define success?

If the saying “Do what you love and the money will follow” is true, then what is preventing you from following your passion? If you had the ideal job, what would be different? Is there a way to start transitioning to that place, either through classes or volunteering or going part time? Are you happy working as a team or are you better doing most things by yourself? Do you have the self-discipline to run your own business? How much people contact do you need? How much incoming money is your bare minimum?

Perhaps you are being drawn to a more spiritual life where you live simply and are more self sufficient. What does a typical day look like for you? What is the appeal of that lifestyle? Is there a way you could move toward that without completely opting out of your current situation? Are there classes, books, or experiences you need to have before you make that your new way of life?

 

We have no guarantees in life. We don’t know if we will live long enough to retire or what health or financial situation may confront us unexpectedly. While I am not advocating throwing all caution to the wind, I do believe that life is meant to be LIVED in a way that makes us feel glad to be here on Earth. I want to feel like I squeezed all the joy and juiciness out of life while I could, and not feel my days are an endless repetition til death. I want to feel rested and active and healthy and mentally challenged and learning ALL the time—not just on weekends or breaks or summers. Above all, I want to be around positive energy. People who are happy and not complaining, who are active, growing, and inspire me by their example and encouragement.

 

 

What's in a Word

According to the Oxford dictionary, the word "retire" has many meanings in addition to the one where you leave office or employment because of age. It also means "to withdraw, go away, retreat" or "go to bed". In baseball, it refers to ending a turn at bat. In cricket, it is the suspending of an inning. With a car, the literal definition would be putting new radials on the old girl. What it boils down to is taking a break to renew, refresh, and rejuvenate--sometimes temporarily, sometimes permanently. I thought of how this leave of absence has all of the positive aspects of retirement, but with the lingering knowledge that I am not "out of the game" for good yet.

One of the beaches I frequent around here is called Asilomar. Its literal meaning is "haven by the sea." Today I am going to a wonderful hot springs resort in Carmel Valley named "The Refuge". It seems this area has been tailor made to encourage rest and relaxation for this period of my life!

Wouldn't our society be healthier if ALL people could have multiple mini retirements built into their lives? Every four years, you get four months off with pay! You also get one month of vacation every year--period. Of course, people who work in the school system do get a regular breaks (but trust me, no one could stay sane if they didn't!), but what about all other people who yearn for and need a solid chunk of time to catch up, think, and just have some down time? I think the old "keeping the Sabbath holy" idea wasn't just religious--it was lifegiving and wise. Too bad it has become another day to run around like crazy....

I've heard many people are now calling it "re-fire" instead of retire. I like that idea. You are reinventing yourself, regaining your perspective, and renewing your general enthusiasm for living. That is most certainly what I've been doing the past two months! To think I still have five more months to keep exploring is a truly wonderful gift. The question is: will I ever want to go back to "business as usual" when it's all said and done? This peace and freedom is quite seductive!!!

Changing the World

I admit I'm an idealist-- I see the possibilities, I get excited about making a difference. Today I thought about the legacy I want to leave the world. For me, it isn't enough to just live and die. I want to make my mark, whether it is through the lives I touch with the kids at school or the volunteer work I do or saving the planet through sustainable practices. It's why I did my year with AmeriCorps. It's why I made my own kids choose volunteer projects to do as they grew up. It's why I am incorporating volunteer work during this leave of absence.

I remember in my high school graduation speech, I chose a quote that seemed to sum it up for me back then:
"That man is a success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much. Who gained the respect of intelligent men and the love of children. Who left the world better than he found it--whether through an improved poppy or a perfect poem. Who looked for the best in others and gave the best he had."

Some things don't change! Here is a current quote I also like and appreciate:

“Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing, you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”  

Going on an Explore

Well, I've spent about two months getting rested, relaxed, and refreshed. Now it's time to segue into another piece of this leave of absence: looking at other career options. Today I signed up for a six-month, 80 hour permaculture class being held one weekend a month in Boulder. The more I read about permaculture and sustainability, the more excited I feel. The thought of revolutionizing the planet through a mindset shift toward enriching the Earth and its people is very uplifting. The three main tenets of permaculture are : Love people, love the earth, and share the extra. What a simple (yet challenging) concept!

I feel I have included a lot of sustainability practices in my life--recycling, planting a garden, doing hydroponics, using a clothesline, putting in solar, biking to work, using fluorescent lights, composting, etc. However, I feel there is so much more that could be accomplished (even at the school I work at). The course is a little pricey, especially after the recent financial hits, but I figure, if not now, when? I have the time, which is usually the biggest issue.

Another avenue I am pursuing is my life coach certification. Again, the timing is the best it's ever going to be, and even if I don't become a coach, it will be a valuable addition to my counseling skills regardless. What I like is that it keeps giving me options, which is the greatest freedom and gift of all.

Am still looking into photography courses. Don't want to do anything online, which is unfortunately where most of the classes are. Am hoping to be able to mentor/apprentice with someone who already does the work. It's exciting to contemplate life for the next six months! I love it when I'm learning something new.....

The Long and Winding Road

Well, I have two deadlines this Friday. I have to let the school district know if I will return to my position and I have to decide about trying to do a job share.

I think the job share isn't the best choice--at least not this year, even though working 24 hours a week for a decent wage would be ideal as far as I'm concerned. By trying to do a job share, I am locked into going back to my previous job (I'd like to have the option of going to a different position or school just for a change) and I don't even know if my principal would go for it. So, it appears that option is off the plate.

I went ahead and sent in my "Option to Return" letter, although I know that if I changed my mind later, I could still back out (it's just if I don't send it, they automatically terminate!). While I am loving my free time and the glorious lack of responsibilities right now, when I look down the road at real retirement, I convince myself that I should put in five more years with the district so I can qualify for a small pension. But at what cost--to my marriage, to my sanity, to my general quality of life? THAT is the question...Five years sounds like a blink, and in retrospect it always is. But five years in practice can be a long, long time and I will be five years older too.

Metaphors on a Beach

During today's rainy beach walk, I was looking for signs--things out of the ordinary that might give me insight into my current life and decisions a la Anne Morrow Lindberg. It's interesting to note what I found:

1) a dead seal
2) a yellow plastic sieve shovel
3) a double rainbow
4) a pair of perfectly useable black flip flops
5) several kelp holdfasts that had been tossed ashore by the rough water

Hmmm.... The seal could be a reminder of the impermanence of life. Or it might signal that a "seal" in my life has been broken. Or it could just be he was in the wrong place at the wrong time....

The toy shovel seems to be designed to allow sand to run through and to catch any impurities that might spoil the pristine scoop. I need to let the same thing happen in my life--let the good stuff keep flowing and weed out that which is not.

The double rainbow was amazing. At one point, it actually started IN the ocean and rose into the air, something I've never seen before. The colors were so vivid too! It felt like hope and gratitude poured

from the sky. How beautiful is life!

The flip flops were a reminder to "hang loose" and take it easy--don't get so serious in my approach to life.

Lastly, the holdfasts reminded me there is a time to "hold fast" and a time to let go. It takes a lot to dislodge these chunks that secure the kelp in the ocean, but it's all part of the life cycle. Now I need to figure out what it is I'm supposed to hold onto and what I'm supposed to let go of!

There's No Place Like...

Home?

Today I was reading a really excellent book by Henri Nouwen, "The Inner Voice of Love". In it, one of his insights read " So stop wandering around. Instead, come home and trust that God will bring you what you need."

It resonated with me tremendously (and unfortunately described me more than I'd like to admit). However, the thought hit me--where IS home? Is it California? Colorado? Somewhere else entirely? Is home simply a metaphor for a life with God? I feel I have been split and pulled 'between worlds' for years now. I am envious of other people who have what I consider a "normal" life--lived in one location with occasional vacations to distant lands (or relatives!). Part of this leave was to try and settle into one location for good. According to Nouwen, "home is where you are truly safe. It is where you can receive what you desire... when you come home and stay home, you will find the love that will bring rest to your heart."

I agree with Nouwen--I need to just go home and "stop running and start trusting and receiving". But I am at a loss as to where that is. Is it where my things are? Is it where I've lived the longest? Is it where my husband lives? Is it where my kids live? Is it where my job is? Is it where I feel most peaceful? Why is it so hard to answer this question? If I were Dorothy in Oz, where would I be trying to return to?