Love, Dating, and Getting Older

When the kids are raised and gone, what keeps people married? Shared interests, common history, habit, fears of growing old alone, fears of not being able to find someone else? Some people have been together so many years, they are sick and tired of each other and try to spend as much time apart as possible, but they continue to stay married. I don't get it. The other day I was talking to a friend about whose marriages they envied. They couldn't name a single couple! Too many people seem to be trudging/fighting to an invisible finish line. It's more of an endurance test than a life-giving relationship. How sad is that?

On the other hand, it is interesting to see the older single crowd at the dances I go to. A lot of pretense is stripped away when you are over 50--similar to going to a 40-year high school reunion. Most everyone is getting gray and saggy and wrinkly and pudgy. There are still guys who think they are dreamboats and there are still women who try to be sexpots, but few seem to be into the mating game. Hormones tend to be waning and illness or surgery is more often the topic of conversation than making out! I get the feeling many people are looking for a potential caretaker rather than "true love" at this stage of the game. It's more about sharing the house costs and house work and having companionship. Some interesting alliances happen due to these stark realities!

That being said, there are many role models for me who are aging gracefully and well--people who are active and fit, people who are involved in hobbies and their community, people who are interested in other people, people who keep learning new things and going to new places, people who are happy with their lives. Anymore, having relationships with those kinds of people is more important to me personally than being married OR dating. People leave. People die. People change. Having a large, positive social network means that you don't have all your eggs in one basket when life events happen. There is something to be said for having options as we get older.... The romantic in me still hopes love will conquer all, but the practical side of me is becoming louder every day.